And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
