So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
