I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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