Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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