i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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