The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
