So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
