I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
