At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
