why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
