Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
