They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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