We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
