she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
