Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
