So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
