I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
