there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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