tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dignity is for republicans.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize