2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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