Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just wanna soil my oats bro
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
