True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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