Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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