I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
