Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
