but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize