He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
