I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
