i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
