got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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