so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
