she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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