I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
