were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
