im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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