Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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