You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
