He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
