I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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