I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
