Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize