I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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