You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
