I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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