Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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