this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
