im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
