Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
