I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
