My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
