dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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