I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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