So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize