Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
