So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
