i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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