When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize