Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
