can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
