This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
