Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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