the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
