Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
