scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You dont lie about slip and slides
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize