just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
