My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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