I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
