Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
