Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
