wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
