oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
