I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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