Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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