Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just found a bag of teeth...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
