At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
