everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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