guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i came on her dog
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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