apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
