i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
