i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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