Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
