Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
