I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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