she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i think i just lost a toe
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
