I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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