I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
