Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
