I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
