Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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