U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
