someone owes me an orgasm
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
