girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
