Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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