i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
