So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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