Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
