You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
