The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
