These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
