In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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