I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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