And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
