I feel great
I just peed on a car
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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