I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's shark week go big or go home
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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