What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
